” A soulmate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. ”
— Elizabeth Gilbert

What is a Soulmate?

When you hear the word soulmate, you probably think of some beautiful, perfect, just-like-you match that comes into your life one day, someday, and takes your breath away. We love to believe this myth. And the reason we love it is that it requires little to no effort on our part.

Sure, it’s frustrating to wait for that perfect girl, but it’s also so comfortable. Easy to wait for destiny to set you into some vague happiness brought on by a mysterious figure.

It is probable that justifies our wandering wishes – of having to do little work in our own lives, and of discovering someone who causes us little to no friction… because, gosh, life is already so severe, and wouldn’t it be great to find someone who can finally accept ‘you’ as-is.

The truth, though, is that a soulmate is someone far more disruptive than the puzzle piece described above. A soulmate will destroy ‘YOU’ to reveal the real You: your dreams, your beauty, and the immense strength you carry within.

They know who You really are; they will break through the limitations you see in yourself, and that is why they will upset the very foundation of your existence. They are the epitome of destruction. And it is upon the smallest burning ember of these ruins that you will rebuild yourself.

Their greatest gift and most important role, then, will not be that of a rose-bearing lover, or a ‘go-get-em-tiger’ BFF, but a loving & revealing transformer.

A person who finally isn’t afraid to tear up your ego and challenge the ideas you have of yourself. They will expose you to your own flaws that keep you from achieving your true potential – in mind, body, and in spirit.

To quote Elizabeth Gilbert, “a soulmate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.”

And the whole process hurts like hell. Not because they are here to destroy us, but because we protect the ideas we have of ourselves with a proverbial death grip.

How Do You Know if You’ve Found Your Soulmate?

When someone comes along who has gotten so close as to pry those ideas out of us, we become exposed. We become confused. We become vulnerable. And like any other muscles in our body, the heart and mind must also be made vulnerable – stressed, torn, and pushed to their limits – to experience growth; only then can we develop real strength.

As humans, we fear change and love comfort, but it changes that gives us the ability to stand in our own courage and proclaim victory over the challenges we never thought we could overcome, let alone those we never even knew existed.

Fear hides behind ego, behind power… and so, there is a special love reserved for those whose grand, yet humble presence causes us to be so exposed that we actually become better people in our own eyes. We form a new kind of power that is rooted in what most people consider a weakness. We find strength in vulnerability.

The world has plenty of influential people with seemingly strong egos, and even more naysayers and yes-men. What we really need are vulnerable people. Less fear, and more courage. Less smoke, and more mirrors. What we need are our soulmates.

Today, you may be completely oblivious to people who will mean so much to you in the future—ordinary people who will help you change your perspectives, and in doing so, will improve the very quality of your life experience.

We have zero insight into how or when such connections form and yet, in that serendipity—in our collective blindness—lies the beauty of life.  So, next time you feel like you don’t make a difference, think of the power one handshake or one “hello” has to transform an entire human being. Never forget this power.

You can be the soulmate someone never knew they needed. And if you’re wondering when the time is right, just remember: it’s better to live a life of a few “oh wells” than to live a life full of “what ifs.”

Chad Willis